we both stared at it
none of us willing to touch
a crime of murder has been committed here
there, breathing and heaving
a vomit of blood on the floor
in the shape of exploding stars
the metallic smell gave off by a dying being
its body a mangled mess
heave gasp shriek
it’s heaving so hard its skin is pulled back from its face
such a mess from such a beautiful thing
you’ve killed it, you bloody killed it!
you did, i only stared
the gun is in my hands but the splatters of blood is on both of our faces
suddenly, i am licking blood off my teeth. suddenly, i am on the floor, clawing the red red dirt for a hold. suddenly, i’m choking on my own blood. i heaved i gasped i shrieked
oh god, save me
somebody save me
a torrent of red rushed through my lips
death commencing in ten seconds
i plead at you
please, please save me, i heaved
save me, i gasped
the gun is now in your hands.
i shrieked, why aren’t you doing anything
why aren’t you doing anything
you just stared
redness is blossoming on your front
redder than anything i’ve seen
i can smell metal off you
are you dying too?
your bones crack when your knees plummet to the floor
you lay your head down next to me like you’re going to sleep
you look the same like you’re alive
i gurgled your name
with my saccharine saccharine blood sloshing up my pipes, i could just gurgle
even in death, you just stare. you’re so good at staring.
Written in Kajang, 2007. There’s something interesting about looking at old works. You can see where you evolved. This was one of the first poems I’ve written and it’s obviously influenced by my fascination with shock and Chuck Palahniuk. Heck, the line “death commencing in ten seconds” is directly from Fight Club. I can’t write like this anymore because I can’t be this angry anymore.