Stay Alive

Thinking about my life right now, the only mental image I could conjure is me cupping water with my hands. No matter how hard I try, the water will always spill over.

People always have this bullshit idea that the reason your life spirals out of control is because you don’t try hard enough or something. It’s not like that at all. It angers me when people insinuate that because you don’t even know another person’s life. Sometimes, things do happen beyond your own expectations, beyond norm. Instead of the usual path, you’re forcefully pushed aside and left to deal with the consequences. How can you be prepared for that?

Lately, there are too many changes, too many “plot developments”. I would be lying if I say I’m not disturbed. My mood is like a pendulum swing – from the high of exhilaration to numbing fear that I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m a creature of habit, I know that. I just want something, a thing, that’s constant. Like a steady pulse. A warm spot that calms.

Listening to The Secret Life of Walter Mitty’s soundtrack because, hey, life imitates art. At least in the movie, Walter took the positive side of things and came out as a champ. I am trying to be inspired.

 

Sometimes there’s things a man cannot know
Gears won’t turn and the leaves won’t grow
There’s no place to run and no gasoline
Engine won’t turn
And the train won’t leave

Engines won’t turn and the train won’t leave

I will stay with you tonight
Hold you close ‘til the morning light
In the morning watch a new day rise
We’ll do whatever just to stay alive
We’ll do whatever just to stay alive

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